At the end of many relationships, the broken hearted are often left standing alone with many painful questions. These thoughts are completely normal and vary due to wording, timing, location, and everything else that made up that final conversation with your newly, minted ex. And it all really hurts. It's called a broken heart because of that excruciating pain in your chest that leads to tear-soaked pillows, feelings of crushing despair, and a predictable weather forecast of consistently, cloudy days. But let's remember this, "a broken heart still beats" and there are countless articles and famous singers to help repair a heart. This journal entry, however, is for the me's in the world, the heartbreakers
, and the mentality of why we did(do) it.#relief
Obviously, it hurts us too when to end relationships. In fact, we've probably been hurting for the days/weeks/months leading up to the "talk," which completely contrasts the immediate pain the listener experiences. And it sucks so see that person you cared for, you cooked for, you sacrificed for, now realizing what is happening to them as their instinctive tears make their way to the floor. It's heartbreaking for us too, but we "needed" this to happen to relieve
us from our pain.#cowardice
I believe that by breaking hearts, we are sometimes being cowards
. We are choosing not to solve any underlying issues, we may not even choose to talk about our problems with the relationship. So instead of putting effort into making it all work out, we abandon you and choose to be single again. Maybe we hope to deal with someone who is more compatible or who we might have less conflicts with. We do know that all relationships are not without problems, but sometimes there are just too many things and we don't connect to you anymore. "It's not you, it me," is a completely rational feeling to us because in general we don't hate you, or think you're a bad human being, in fact we generally believe we are the monsters. We don't go into a relationship planning to end it, but maybe we don't do enough planning to make it last. We see the good in you, we see your strengths, but sadly we are unwilling to weather your weaknesses (which is one of our weaknesses).
I have no pride or satisfaction of what I have done. This is my confession that I need help, that I need to discover what is inherently causing me to bail from commitment or similarly not give a relationship the honest effort it deserves. I often dream of what could have been, if I had been more patient, understanding, and willing. Sorry to my exes. I hope y'all have found a healthy, strong, loving partner to be with. Sometimes I wish that person was me.
Now, does anyone know a good therapist?